I'm not talking about babies, I'm talking about kids. Like, say, from about eleven to - well I wouldn't know, infinity.
Yes yes in the Parents' Handbook I've mentally written it says in CAPS - DO NOT PHONE THEM. THEY MUST PHONE YOU.
But sometimes I have a little time to stretch out and sip a diet gingerale and I think, hey, I wonder how so and so (22 and loves me) is doing. Or else, hey, I wonder if so and so (20 - "I love you but you drive me crazy") is doing. And I make the mistake of placing the call.
When you call them they are always busy. Always. They might talk to you for a minute or two but in the background you can hear their thumbs working away at text messaging, or their computer keys being hit, or whatever goddam gadget they've got going this week. And whatever you say to them the response is the same. "What?"
A kid never hears a parent the first time. That's in THEIR handbook.
Since the 'little one' has strep throat (I discovered yesterday) she won't talk to me. I called today to see if she's feeling better. "Yes." "Oh I'm so glad honey. So you saw the doctor and got something for it?" "Yes. I can't talk now I have to go back to sleep." Understandable.
The other one is at Anime North. This is the highlight of her life. I know this fact but I thought maybe a little call? "Hi honey!" "I'm busy." "Well, I know, but are you having fun?" "Yes, I'm busy having fun. Goodbye."
Okay, fair enough, who wants to talk to their mother when they're at Animé North?
I should count my blessings. Neither of them told me to "Fuck off" and they don't do a lot of drugs or have a lot of sexual partners. They're both in college or university. They're great, actually, they just suck when it comes to me. Is that normal? I think it might be.
Bah. I think I'll go find Felix and pester him. He'll listen to me. He says he enjoys my 'chatter.' I choose to take that as English talk for 'intelligent conversation.'
ps - I needed a new post, and this is it. Another time, perhaps we'll talk about how kids feel about having an erotica author as a mother . . . "luv the trophy Mom, can I take it to show and tell?"
- Madeline Moore
- Toronto, Ontario, Canada
- Wild Card, 2006. Winner of "best oral sex scene" - Scarlet Magazine. Amanda's Young Men, 2009. Excerpted in Scarlet Magazine; Juicy Bits. Sarah's Education, 2009. Hit the #1 spots on Amazon.co.uk adult fiction & adult romance best seller lists. Jade Magazine bestowed the best cover art, 2009 award on Sarah's Education. "Get Up, Stand Up!" which appeared in The Cougar Book (Logical-Lust) won me the title 'Story Teller of the Year 2011' at The Erotic Awards, London, UK. Sarah's Education took the #3 spot on a list of the 30 most titillating titles of all time, as reported in English Daily Mail ;Female; Nov. 12, 2012. Debutante, a petite novel for e-publisher Imprint Mischief, (Harper-Collins) pubbed in 2012. I tutor writing students and am a member of the WGC. D.M. Thomas said: Madeline Moore writes great sex without metaphor and that's not easy to do. Kris Saknussemm said: You're a good egg, Madeline Moore. I am a good egg who writes great sex without metaphor! Yippee!